Child's illness gives mom new outlook on life

Child's illness gives mom new outlook on life

By Molly Farmer

Mormon Times
Published: Monday, May. 4, 2009

Mimi McDonald worries about germs these days. Beyond that, though, many of the worries and expectations she once had for family now seem pretty trivial.

Her kids are all under one roof, she hasn't had to sleep in a windowless, hospital "sleep locker" in months, and her 10-month-old baby has a healthy heart beating in her scarred chest.

"You kind of start to appreciate more and more the things that were so hard to get," said the 27-year-old mother of three.

McDonald, who lives with her children and her husband, John, in Puyallup, Wash., has gained a new perspective on life and motherhood after enduring the harrowing experience of caring for a daughter with a serious heart defect -- one that required months on a donor list and ultimately a heart transplant. The care is ongoing, some worries are still present, but day to day, Mimi McDonald is full of gratitude.

"My kids are here and they're healthy and they're safe. And that's a far cry from where we were six months ago," she said. "I know that a lot of LDS moms, we kind of aim for this perfect mom status ... doing all these extra, great things. I'm just kind of keeping us alive at this point."

Her daughter Mia was diagnosed with Critical Aortic Stynosis while in utero, so her aortic valve never fully developed and blood pooled into the left side of her heart, causing the right side of her heart to work double time. She had an operation right after birth to try to open the valve on the left side of her heart, and again four months later when they got the call that a donor heart was ready to transplant.

Mimi has patiently borne all the challenges, heart breaks and difficulties that have come since, said her husband, John McDonald. After Mia's birth in July 2008, Mimi spent nearly every day and night of the next four months at her daughter's side in the ICU at Seattle's Children's Hospital.

"It's been amazing to see the total dedication. For all those months in the hospital, she didn't even come home," John said. "It was like she forgot about everything else but that baby."

On the few days Mimi did visit, she was glad to be with her other children, Ellie, 4, and Jensen, 5, but felt drawn back to the Seattle ICU, feeling that her sick baby needed her and vice versa.

"There was always this intense pull just to be up there for her," she said. "The days I was there I felt that she did better. ... I needed to be there for me as her mom -- to feel of her spirit and to heal."

For the better part of the summer and fall, Mia was clinging to life. Her heart was enlarged and unsuited for her. Fevers and intubations came and went, and Mimi kept vigil as her infant held on -- no one knowing when or if a healthy heart would be made available.

"I've never experienced heartbreak the way I did with Mia," she said. "On the days she wasn't intubated, I literally held her all day. I just held her and sang to her and gave her little pep talks."

During the struggles, Mimi relied on her own mother, Cindy, for comfort and pep talks. Her mom took time off from her teaching job for weeks at a time, replicating the steadfastness Mimi showed for her own daughter.

"She has that same healing effect with me," Mimi said. "She was able to take some of the heartache from me."

Cindy is familiar with that heartache, as Mimi was born with the same heart defect, though not as severe, as Mia. Mimi and John were dating when Mimi had her last open heart surgery when she was 20.

"She told me and others, 'My goal is to not complain,'" John said. The surgery required having her sternum sawed open and ribs pulled apart, but during recovery "Sure enough, she didn't complain."

He said, "She's shown time and again that she can overcome the impossible."
Even with mounting hospital bills, and John switching jobs a few months back, the couple is undeterred. "We both have been through so much it was like, 'money problems are not a big deal right now. That will work itself out.'"

During the pregnancy, Mimi was sad for herself and her husband, but Mimi's primary concern was that Ellie and Jensen would have to live without the sister they were so excited for.

"Looking at my kids that I adore, and thinking that they're not going to be able to experience having this little baby that they've been looking forward to and talking about constantly, that was really hard for me," she said. "I didn't want them to experience that heartbreak."

Mia is home now, a feat her mother at times wondered wouldn't be possible when she was hooked up to dozens of machines. She's still learning how to eat, and has a feeding tube which Mimi administers. She also requires a slew of medications, including immune-system drugs to keep her from rejecting the foreign heart. At a recent doctor's appointment, Mimi was excited to hear that Mia now registers on the growth charts. She's in the fifth percentile for weight, a small victory for a baby who was so sick for so long.

"There were days when we were close to losing her, but I don't think I ever got to the point where I gave up hope," Mimi said. "It's probably all angels and blessings, but I just felt very strongly that she was going to make it. ...It's a miracle that she held on."
Mimi believes the worst is behind Mia, that she'll be stronger because of the difficulties she faced at a young age, and she's grateful for the relationship with her she's been granted, even though so much of it was agonizing.

"You feel pain to certain degrees through different experiences. But having your little baby struggling to breathe, and just so desperate to receive that donor heart, it's really humbling," she said. "It makes the day to day, just feeding her and loving her just so incredible."

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E-mail: mfarmer@desnews.com

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