M E R I D I A N M A G A Z I N E
By Susan Law Corpany
I was shopping recently and I saw a t-shirt. “God at His computer,” the caption read. There was a picture of the Almighty, about to hit the “smite” button.
I almost bought the shirt, but I didn't, because, after all, what if God really does have a smite button and what if buying such a t-shirt is all is takes for Him to push it on my behalf?
God is in charge of the universe. Most of us believe this to be true, but I find that everyone has a different idea of how He goes about managing His real estate portfolio. If, as we believe, Earth is only one of His many properties, then not only does he have to watch out for each of us as individuals but He's got all those other worlds and beings to worry about, too. Perhaps that is part of why I don't buy into the idea of God as a micro-manager.
Questions of Life and Death
When my son was young, he found a baby bird that had fallen from its nest. Afraid a cat was going to eat it, he brought me the tiny bird on a piece of cardboard and asked if there was anything we could do for it.
We didn't know where the nest was, and I had heard that mother birds will not take back a baby once it has had contact with a human. We made a trip to the local pet store and followed their instructions. We bought bird food and an eye dropper, and we got out the heating pad and set it under the bird's new cardboard box home to keep him warm. The first thing Scott did was give the bird a name. We did everything we had been instructed in order to keep poor little Herman alive, and we prayed for help and guidance.
Every morning, the first thing Scott would do was check on his baby bird. It seemed that we had been given good advice, and our little feathered friend was surviving. I took the opportunity to look up a scripture and we discussed how a sparrow does not fall from its nest without God being aware. We talked about how Scott saved the little bird's life by finding it and how maybe God was watching out for the baby bird.
Then it died.
Part two of the lesson. A heartbroken little boy wanted me to explain why God would save the bird only to let it die. I don't do very well at these times when I am called upon to explain the random happenings of the universe and especially when I am called upon to explain what God is up to. See, He doesn't always enlighten me.
I have actually had a harder time spiritually with the death of beloved animals than with the death of family members. I can understand that God might have had a special mission in mind for my brother or husband, for example, but like the depressed little boy on the Art Linkletter show, I, too, want to know: “What does God want with a dead dog?”
I Don't Know
I honestly don't know some of the reasons things happen the way they do. I told Scott that perhaps the bird had been hurt when it fell and tried to help him see that we had been given a chance to serve it at the end of its short life. “It didn't die in a bad way by being eaten by a cat. It died here in our house, warm and fed and loved.” It was the best I could do to impart some comfort.
Sometimes we don't have an explanation. I think it is okay to admit at times that we simply don't have all the answers and that some things that happen will remain unexplained, at least in mortality.
“Why does God allow suffering and wars?”
“Why is there such a difference between the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New Testament?”
“Why didn't God answer my prayers?”
Sometimes for the sake of my sanity, I have to be willing to just say three words. “I don't know.” Then I do my best to let go of whatever the question is. It can be very freeing to just admit that you don't have the answer.
Spiritual Air-Brushing
Sometimes I think people, myself included, give God credit for things He didn't have so much to do with. When I hear the stories from the pulpit and in Sunday School class, my inner skeptic sometimes wonders quietly if there aren't times that we assume divine intervention in error.
We tend as human beings to put our own interpretation on things that happen. If we get a good outcome, then yes, we conclude that God was involved. On the other hand, if the bird dies or the investigator doesn't join the Church, that doesn't automatically mean God wasn't involved in the process.
Sometimes we are able to backtrack and truly see the hand of God at work. I certainly don't ever want to miss acknowledging the miracles of my life, both large and small, but sometimes I fear we put our own celestial spin on things and come up with something that sounds great when we share it in Fast and Testimony meeting. Do other people ask themselves these kinds of questions? Was it really God, or am I just trying to make myself look spiritual?
We have to be careful not to have a fatalistic view that whatever happens is exactly what was meant to happen. I often hear people from church say, “I believe everything happens for a reason.” Somewhere I have a Hallmark calendar page featuring that cantankerous old lady, Maxine. She states: “I believe everything happens for a reason. Usually the reason is because somebody screwed up.”
There are things in my life I have felt strongly I was supposed to do that have not turned out so well. Was that a failing on God's part or on mine? Did I misinterpret the guidance or just mess things up along the way? Although I have my theories, most of the time I don't truly know. I've misinterpreted things just often enough to doubt my ability to call things definitively one way or the other.
Divine Intervention or Cold and Flu Season?
At a recent check-up, I had an opportunity to answer some of my doctor's questions about the gospel. My husband and I had wondered if we would ever have an opportunity to share the gospel with him. He had just returned from a ski trip to Utah and had some questions.
Although I prefer to have my missionary experiences wearing more than a paper gown, I was excited for the opportunity to discuss the gospel with him and promised to drop off some brochures that explained the Joseph Smith story better than I had. On my recent trip to Utah I picked up the brochures I wanted to bring back for him. At the tail end of the trip, I also picked up a cold/flu bug and was not feeling at all well by the time I got back home. I wondered if I should make an appointment to see my doctor.
Did I get sick so that I could deliver the pamphlets while his interest was fresh or was I putting my own interpretation on it? Perhaps when I do deliver the pamphlets, I will tell him that God smote me with the flu so I could come see him again and deliver the message but I was stubborn and toughed it out. That's one of the things I love about my doctor. He always laughs at my jokes. Maybe there will be another installment to this story. Maybe there won't be.
Although I don't want to embellish my spiritual experiences, neither do I want to fail to acknowledge the hand of God in my life. I've often heard, “God has a plan for your life.” There are times when I have asked myself, “Was this part of the plan?”
Was it part of God's plan for me to be a writer? I like to think so. My patriarchal blessing certainly makes it sounds that way. I think there is an outline and it is up to us to fill in the details using the agency we have been given.
Many of what I have considered uninspired experiences have brought me to where I am today, which is right where I think I am supposed to be. Go figure. In short, God expects us to make the most of our opportunities and our talents, using them to bless the lives of others. He expects us to learn from our trials and experiences and use them as growing experiences. And when a baby bird falls from its nest, I think He wants us to do what we can to help.
© 1999-2008 Meridian Magazine. All Rights Reserved.
No comments:
Post a Comment