好、更好、最好
達林‧鄔克司長老
十二使徒定額組
我們需要放棄一些好的事情，來作其他更好或最好的選擇，如此便能培養出對主耶穌基督的信心，並且鞏固我們的家庭。
一、
我們應該先體認一項事實，即：光是好並不足以作為我們去做某件事的理由。我們可以做的好事太多了，根本沒有時間一一完成。有些事比好還要好，這才是我們生活中應當優先關注的。
耶 穌在馬大家中教導了這項原則。馬大「伺候的事多」（路加福音10：40），她的妹妹馬利亞卻「在耶穌腳前坐著聽祂的道」（第39節）。當馬大抱怨妹妹不管 事，讓她一個人伺候時，耶穌雖嘉許馬大的辛勞（第41節），卻教導她說：「但是不可少的只有一件；馬利亞已經選擇那上好的福分，是不能奪去的」（第42 節）。馬大「為許多的事思慮煩擾」（第41節）固然值得敬佩，然而向偉大的夫子學習福音卻是「不可少的一件」。經文中還有其他的章節，也教導人們某些事情 比其他事情更為有福（見使徒行傳20：35；阿爾瑪書32：14-15）。
我小時候的一個經驗讓我了解到，有些選擇固然很好，不過其他的選擇更好。我在農場住了兩年，我們很少進城。聖誕節禮物都是透過郵購型錄來訂購。我花很多時間仔細翻閱型錄。對當年的鄉下家庭而言，郵購型錄就像現在的購物廣場，或是網際網路。
型錄裡展示的某些商品在我心中留下深刻的印象。那些商品分為好、更好、最好三種品質。例如，有些男鞋標示好（1.84美金），有些標示更好（2.98美金），有些則標示最好（3.45美金）。1
我們在考慮不同抉擇的時候，要記住光是好是不夠的。還有其他更好的選擇，甚至最好的選擇。縱使某項特別的選擇要付出較高的代價，但是因為它的價值高出許多，因此也是最好的選擇。
想 想看，我們在看電視、玩電視遊戲、瀏覽網路，或閱讀書報雜誌上，如何運用我們的時間來選擇呢。當然，觀賞有益身心的娛樂表演或取得有趣的資訊很好，但那類 事情並不是件件都值得我們付出一部分的生命時間去獲取。有些事則更好，還有些事是最好的。主告訴我們要追求學識時，祂說：「要從最好的書中尋求智慧的言 語」（教約88：118）。
二、
我們有些最重要的選擇，是與家庭活動息息相關的。許多負擔家計的人會擔心由於工作的緣故，使他們沒有太多的時間陪家人。要解決這些優先順序上的衝突，實在並不容易。但是在我所認識的人當中，從來沒有人在回顧工作生涯時會說：「我花在工作上的時間還不夠。」
在 選擇如何共度家庭時光時，要小心不要把空閒的時間都耗費在只是好的事物上，而沒有把時間留給更好或是最好的事物。有位朋友在孩子還小的時候，好幾次在暑假 帶他們出去旅遊，包括參觀令人難忘的歷史古蹟。暑假結束時，他問十幾歲的兒子最喜歡哪一項暑假活動。孩子的回答讓這位父親學到許多事情，而聽他講起這件事 的人也是如此。他兒子說：「這個暑假我最喜歡的事，就是那天晚上你跟我一起躺在草坪上看星星、聊天。」對孩子而言，大型的家庭活動固然很好，但永遠都比不 上與慈愛的父親或母親一對一的相處時間。
孩子和父母也需要小心控管投注在私人課程、團隊運動、學校活動與社團等一些 優質活動的時間。否則孩子的活動若安排過多，父母就會身心俱疲，感到氣餒。父母應該採取行動，空出時間來進行家庭祈禱、家庭經文研讀、家人家庭晚會、家人 共聚的寶貴時光及個別一對一的時間，使家人能凝聚在一起，確立孩子對永恆價值事物的看法。父母應該透過跟孩子一起做事，來教導福音的優先順序。
家 庭專家提出告誡，不要造成「孩子的行程排得太滿」的情形。最近這個世代的孩子比以前更忙碌，家人相處的時間減少很多。針對這股令人不安的潮流所做的許多評 估中，有報導指出，花在有組織的正式運動的時間加倍了，但孩子每星期的閒暇時間減少了12小時左右，花在個人自由的戶外活動時間則減少了百分之50。2
表示有「全家經常共進晚餐」的人，其數目降低了百分之33。這一點最讓人擔心，因為全家人共度時光「在家裡一起用餐，是影響小孩的學業成就及心理調適的最重要指標。」3家人共同進餐的時間，也顯示出是防止孩子抽煙、酗酒或吸毒的最佳憑障。4這項給父母的忠告其中蘊含了重要的智慧：就是孩子最想要的是與父母共進晚餐。
戈登‧興格萊會長籲請我們要「努力盡到為人父母的責任，彷彿生活中的一切都有賴於我們是否善盡自己作父母的職責，因為事實上生活中的一切確實有賴於此。」他繼續說道：
「我要特別請弟兄們停下來仔細省思，自己在身為丈夫、父親和一家之主方面做得如何。要祈求指引，祈求幫助，祈求引導，然後在這項最重大的職責上聽從聖靈的低語，因為各位在家庭的領導會造成永恆持久的結果。」5
總 會會長團呼籲父母要「盡全力以福音原則來教導及扶養自己的子女。……家庭是過正義生活的基石，沒有任何方式能取代……神所賦予的責任。」總會會長團宣佈 說：「其他需求或活動，無論有多值得或多合適，也絕不可被允許來取代此項神所賦予的職責，而這職責唯有父母和家庭才能充分履行」。6
三、
教會領袖應知道，如果支會或支聯會一直要求教友在教會眾多計畫中，去做到每一件好的和可以做的事情時，教會聚會及活動就會變得太複雜，讓人疲於奔命。在這些事情上排定優先順序是必要的。
十 二使徒定額組成員一再強調，在教會計畫和活動中運用靈感判斷是非常重要的。多馬‧貝利長老在2003年的第一次全球領導人訓練會議中，教導了我們這項原 則。而李察‧司考德長老也在2004年對教會的同一批領袖提出忠告說：「調整你們的活動，使之切合你們當地的情況與資源。……務必滿足必要的需求，但不要 太過熱衷於進行許多美好的事。……記住，不要增加工作，卻要予以簡化。」7
羅 素‧培勒長老在去年的總會教友大會上提出告誡，當我們將過多的時間花在無謂且不太具有靈性價值的事上時，家庭關係就會惡化。他慎重告誡我們不要把教會的服 務變得太複雜，不要「讓無謂的事情佔據太多的時間、花費太多的金錢，消耗太多的精力。……要我們光大召喚，並不是要我們去裝飾我們的召喚，讓它變得更複 雜。創新不一定是要擴充，很多時候反而是要縮減……我們在教會中最重要的責任」，他說：「不是報告統計數字，不是舉行會議，而是像救主那樣，一次幫助一個 人，看看是否能夠藉著提升、鼓勵，最後改變他。」8
支聯會或支會教友有時會被要求去做過多且無效率的事情，支聯會會長團和主教團需要運用他們的權柄，去革除這些事情。教會的計畫應著重於最能夠（最有效）達成指派目標的事上，才不會過度侵犯家庭需要花在本身「神所指定的職責」之時間。
不 過家庭也要注意一件事，假設教會領袖減少了教會聚會和活動的時間，好讓家庭有更多時間在一起，除非每個家庭成員──特別是父母──積極地增進家人在一起的 時間及一對一的時間，否則還是無法達成預定的目標。團隊運動及電視遊戲和網路等科技電玩，早已佔據了我們孩子和青少年的時間。在網路上瀏覽漫遊，不會比為 主服務或鞏固家庭來得好。有些男女青年不參加教會的男女青年活動，或是利用家庭時間跑去參加足球隊，或從事各種娛樂活動。有些年輕人過度追求娛樂而導致死 亡──靈性的死亡。
在個人及家庭時間的運用上，有較好的用法，也有最好的用法。我們需要放棄一些好的事情，來作其他更好或最好的選擇，如此便能培養出對主耶穌基督的信心，並且鞏固我們的家庭。
以下是好、更好、最好抉擇的一些其他例證：
屬於天父真實的教會，遵守祂的誡命，履行我們的一切職責，這些都是好的，但是若要符合「最好」的標準，就必須懷著愛心，不驕傲自大地去做這些事。就像有一首聖詩所說的，我們應該「以手足情誼相待」，9對我們影響所及的每個人表達愛心與關懷。
我 要對成千上萬的家庭教導教師和探訪教師建議，我們去拜訪被分派到的家庭固然很好；要是能在簡短的拜訪中教導教義和原則更好，而最好的是能讓我們所拜訪的某 些家庭在生活上有所改變。同樣的挑戰也適用於我們所舉行的眾多聚會上──舉行聚會固然好，能教導一項原則更好，但是最好的是聚會的結果能確實改善人們的生 活。
2008年將至，我們在麥基洗德聖職定額組和婦女會將使用新的研讀課程，我要再次提醒各位如何使用總會會長的教 訓這本書。經過多年受靈啟發的努力，我們發行了2008年版的約瑟‧斯密的教訓；而約瑟‧斯密是本福音期的第一位先知。這本書是教會叢書中很重要的一本。 過去，有些教師教課時只簡短地提一下總會會長的教訓中每章的內容，然後用自己選擇的資料來取代課程內容。課程也許教得很好，但作法卻不足取。福音教師是被 召喚來教導教會提供之靈感教材裡的特定主題。教師用約瑟‧斯密的教訓這本書最好的作法是，針對班員的需求，挑選和引用先知對這些原則所講的話，然後引導班 員討論如何在生活環境中運用這些原則。
我要為我們的天父作見證，我們是祂的子女，祂的計畫是為了讓我們有資格獲得 「永生，……神一切恩賜中最大的」（教約14：7；亦見76：51-59）。我要為耶穌基督作見證，祂的贖罪使我們得以獲得永生。我見證我們有先知戈登‧ 興格萊會長和他的副會長在領導我們，奉耶穌基督的名，阿們。
註：
1. Sears, Roebuck and Co. Catalog, Fall and Winter 1944--45, 316E.
2. Jared R. Anderson and William J. Doherty, “Democratic Community Initiatives: The Case of Overscheduled Children,” Family Relations, vol. 54 (Dec. 2005): 655.
3. Anderson and Doherty, Family Relations, 54:655.
4. See Nancy Gibbs, “The Magic of the Family Meal,” Time, June 12, 2006, 51--52; see also Sarah Jane Weaver, “Family Dinner,” Church News, Sept. 8, 2007, 5.
5. 「每個人都變得更好」，2002年11月，利阿賀拿，第100頁。
6. 1999年2月11日，總會會長團信函；printed in Church News, Feb. 27, 1999, 3。
7. “The Doctrinal Foundation of the Auxiliaries,” Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting, Jan. 10, 2004, 5, 7--8; see also Ensign, Aug. 2005, 62, 67.
8. 「你們聰明些吧」，2006年11月，利阿賀拿，第18-20頁。
9. “America the Beautiful,” Hymns, no. 338.
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Good, Better, Best
Elder Dallin H. Oaks
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.
I.
We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.
Jesus taught this principle in the home of Martha. While she was "cumbered about much serving" (Luke 10:40), her sister, Mary, "sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word" (v. 39). When Martha complained that her sister had left her to serve alone, Jesus commended Martha for what she was doing (v. 41) but taught her that "one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her" (v. 42). It was praiseworthy for Martha to be "careful and troubled about many things" (v. 41), but learning the gospel from the Master Teacher was more "needful." The scriptures contain other teachings that some things are more blessed than others (see Acts 20:35; Alma 32:14–15).
A childhood experience introduced me to the idea that some choices are good but others are better. I lived for two years on a farm. We rarely went to town. Our Christmas shopping was done in the Sears, Roebuck catalog. I spent hours poring over its pages. For the rural families of that day, catalog pages were like the shopping mall or the Internet of our time.
Something about some displays of merchandise in the catalog fixed itself in my mind. There were three degrees of quality: good, better, and best. For example, some men’s shoes were labeled good ($1.84), some better ($2.98), and some best ($3.45).1
As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best. Even though a particular choice is more costly, its far greater value may make it the best choice of all.
Consider how we use our time in the choices we make in viewing television, playing video games, surfing the Internet, or reading books or magazines. Of course it is good to view wholesome entertainment or to obtain interesting information. But not everything of that sort is worth the portion of our life we give to obtain it. Some things are better, and others are best. When the Lord told us to seek learning, He said, "Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom" (D&C 88:118; emphasis added).
II.
Some of our most important choices concern family activities. Many breadwinners worry that their occupations leave too little time for their families. There is no easy formula for that contest of priorities. However, I have never known of a man who looked back on his working life and said, "I just didn't spend enough time with my job."
In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. "The thing I liked best this summer," the boy replied, "was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked." Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent.
The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club activities also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be overscheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated. Parents should act to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time that binds a family together and fixes children's values on things of eternal worth. Parents should teach gospel priorities through what they do with their children.
Family experts have warned against what they call "the overscheduling of children." In the last generation children are far busier and families spend far less time together. Among many measures of this disturbing trend are the reports that structured sports time has doubled, but children's free time has declined by 12 hours per week, and unstructured outdoor activities have fallen by 50 percent.2
The number of those who report that their "whole family usually eats dinner together" has declined 33 percent. This is most concerning because the time a family spends together "eating meals at home [is] the strongest predictor of children's academic achievement and psychological adjustment."3 Family mealtimes have also been shown to be a strong bulwark against children's smoking, drinking, or using drugs.4 There is inspired wisdom in this advice to parents: What your children really want for dinner is you.
President Gordon B. Hinckley has pleaded that we "work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it." He continued:
"I ask you men, particularly, to pause and take stock of yourselves as husbands and fathers and heads of households. Pray for guidance, for help, for direction, and then follow the whisperings of the Spirit to guide you in the most serious of all responsibilities, for the consequences of your leadership in your home will be eternal and everlasting."5
The First Presidency has called on parents "to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles. . . . The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place . . . in . . . this God-given responsibility." The First Presidency has declared that "however worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely-appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform."6
III.
Church leaders should be aware that Church meetings and activities can become too complex and burdensome if a ward or a stake tries to have the membership do everything that is good and possible in our numerous Church programs. Priorities are needed there also.
Members of the Quorum of the Twelve have stressed the importance of exercising inspired judgment in Church programs and activities. Elder L. Tom Perry taught this principle in our first worldwide leadership training meeting in 2003. Counseling the same leaders in 2004, Elder Richard G. Scott said: "Adjust your activities to be consistent with your local conditions and resources. . . . Make sure that the essential needs are met, but do not go overboard in creating so many good things to do that the essential ones are not accomplished. . . . Remember, don't magnify the work to be done—simplify it."7
In general conference last year, Elder M. Russell Ballard warned against the deterioration of family relationships that can result when we spend excess time on ineffective activities that yield little spiritual sustenance. He cautioned against complicating our Church service "with needless frills and embellishments that occupy too much time, cost too much money, and sap too much energy. . . . The instruction to magnify our callings is not a command to embellish and complicate them. To innovate does not necessarily mean to expand; very often it means to simplify. . . . What is most important in our Church responsibilities," he said, "is not the statistics that are reported or the meetings that are held but whether or not individual people—ministered to one at a time just as the Savior did—have been lifted and encouraged and ultimately changed."8
Stake presidencies and bishoprics need to exercise their authority to weed out the excessive and ineffective busyness that is sometimes required of the members of their stakes or wards. Church programs should focus on what is best (most effective) in achieving their assigned purposes without unduly infringing on the time families need for their "divinely appointed duties."
But here is a caution for families. Suppose Church leaders reduce the time required by Church meetings and activities in order to increase the time available for families to be together. This will not achieve its intended purpose unless individual family members—especially parents—vigorously act to increase family togetherness and one-on-one time. Team sports and technology toys like video games and the Internet are already winning away the time of our children and youth. Surfing the Internet is not better than serving the Lord or strengthening the family. Some young men and women are skipping Church youth activities or cutting family time in order to participate in soccer leagues or to pursue various entertainments. Some young people are amusing themselves to death—spiritual death.
Some uses of individual and family time are better, and others are best. We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.
IV.
Here are some other illustrations of good, better, and best:
It is good to belong to our Father in Heaven's true Church and to keep all of His commandments and fulfill all of our duties. But if this is to qualify as "best," it should be done with love and without arrogance. We should, as we sing in a great hymn, "crown [our] good with brotherhood,"9 showing love and concern for all whom our lives affect.
To our hundreds of thousands of home teachers and visiting teachers, I suggest that it is good to visit our assigned families; it is better to have a brief visit in which we teach doctrine and principle; and it is best of all to make a difference in the lives of some of those we visit. That same challenge applies to the many meetings we hold—good to hold a meeting, better to teach a principle, but best to actually improve lives as a result of the meeting.
As we approach 2008 and a new course of study in our Melchizedek Priesthood quorums and Relief Societies, I renew our caution about how we use the Teachings of Presidents of the Church manuals. Many years of inspired work have produced our 2008 volume of the teachings of Joseph Smith, the founding prophet of this dispensation. This is a landmark among Church books. In the past, some teachers have given a chapter of the Teachings manuals no more than a brief mention and then substituted a lesson of their own choice. It may have been a good lesson, but this is not an acceptable practice. A gospel teacher is called to teach the subject specified from the inspired materials provided. The best thing a teacher can do with Teachings: Joseph Smith is to select and quote from the words of the Prophet on principles specially suited to the needs of class members and then direct a class discussion on how to apply those principles in the circumstances of their lives.
I testify of our Heavenly Father, whose children we are and whose plan is designed to qualify us for "eternal life . . . the greatest of all the gifts of God" (D&C 14:7; see also D&C 76:51–59). I testify of Jesus Christ, whose Atonement makes it possible. And I testify that we are led by prophets, our President Gordon B. Hinckley and his counselors, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
NOTES
1. Sears, Roebuck and Co. Catalog, Fall and Winter 1944–45, 316E.
2. Jared R. Anderson and William J. Doherty, "Democratic Community Initiatives: The Case of Overscheduled Children," Family Relations, vol. 54 (Dec. 2005): 655.
3. Anderson and Doherty, Family Relations, 54:655.
4. See Nancy Gibbs, "The Magic of the Family Meal," Time, June 12, 2006, 51–52; see also Sarah Jane Weaver, "Family Dinner," Church News, Sept. 8, 2007, 5.
5. "Each a Better Person," Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2002, 100.
6. First Presidency letter, Feb. 11, 1999; printed in Church News, Feb. 27, 1999, 3.
7. "The Doctrinal Foundation of the Auxiliaries," Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting, Jan. 10, 2004, 5, 7–8; see also Ensign, Aug. 2005, 62, 67.
8. "O Be Wise," Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2006, 18–20.
9. "America the Beautiful," Hymns, no. 338.
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